 | so this is it.....
What is it about my life that has made me guard myself so much? What really have I become? Didn't I used to laugh at stupid things, and make others laugh with me? When did I stop having fun, and feeling fun? I saw a really really old friend today, and I remembered her name and the last time I saw her. She of course could not recall either. This makes me wonder if I had already been guarding myself, all the way back then, and how I could leave such little impression.
I think there may only be two people who know me, but then I question how well they could, when I have become so good at burying the pain, fears and insecurities I have. I don't eat or sleep knowing that both of those people have lost faith in me, and it is my fault. Now I have no one, and have to start over, the slow process of letting someone in. I miss the feeling of joy, I haven't felt it, not really felt it for a long time. Sure I have felt the fleeting serenity of joy, through love, and passion, but not the inner joy of merely existing, that I once had. What potential do I have anymore?
The feeling of peace that I once captured in clouds and shadows, now only brings regret, and a jaded feeling that the hope I remember feeling in that moment had always been false. I do feel, but not in the way people describe. My feelings are my memories.
I remember everything. |
sliscope
so this is it.....
No Misss - Hit Me!
MUHAHAHAHA!!!!
All I can say is, NOT SO SILENT NIGHT IS GOING TO ROCK!!!!!
that is all, go about your business.........
hey now!
I am not sure if it's the whole getting older thing or just the not carring thing, but I suprisingly don't have anything to rant about anymore... sure I could always find something, eg. a sucky co-worker, a troubled friend, people who just don't have a clue or something along those lines, but for once I am at peace with life, even if I know I should be all stressed out about what the hell I am going to be doing with my life, I know it all is going to be alright. I am not sure as to why or how I know it, but I just do. So yeah that is all for now.
borring i know
ok well i am just working away as usual, nothing really to report... mostly just work and trying to decide what i am going to do with my life, but that is pretty typical of me.... came back from vegas on sunday... that trip should have been longer, we saw a lot of stuff but way way WAY too much driving for 3 days. Um.... yeah that is pretty much all i have to say, i know i know i am borring... but hey that is just the way i am....
No Misss - Hit Me!
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling tired
This is what happens when you throw yourself down a mine shaft
>>================================================================>>>
My new icon was from about 2 weeks ago in death valley. I went mine exploring with CAMCE a great group of people and me and meaghan and mike are going to start going on trips with them. That was about 480ft under ground after repelling in and climbing down 160ft of ladder. In Feb we will be going back down to death valley to go even deeper. The coolest thing was that where we were and what we saw there, no person has seen for over 50 years, and those that saw it then are probably dead now. Kinda morbid but still cool.
Update, just so you know I exist
Just kidding I am not really hiding from the police, however I do need to make an appointment to have a "pre-background check" interview with the Sheriff Department's PI. I think I would be very well suited for the position considering 1. I have no heart 2. I have great verbal communication skills 3. I can type at the speed needed to keep up with the radio reports and calls 4. I can work any hours 5. I want the money 6. I am very trainable.... etc..... sounds like I am selling myself huh? but yeah things are really good, besides my body falling to pieces over the last week or so. School.... well I am taking a small interlude to try to make some money... thus far it has worked, and hopefully with a 911 operator job in a month or two, it will work even better. Ok no time left to write, gotta get some clothes on that don't have paint on them and go see my beautiful girl!
MindSay Quick Update /
I am hiding from the police
MindSay Quick Update /
I am feeling rushed
All I have to say is: "I had better get the dispatcher job, cause this manual labor stuff sucks major hole!"
so an update to my life.... cant wait for Halo 2! Metal Slug 3 is hella challenging (well on hard anyways... I mean you only get a max of 5 lives and then you have to restart the level) and yeah...
Meaghan and I are still really good, and I am in a pretty descent mood everyday...
School is really just chugging along.....
...more later....
so an update to my life.... cant wait for Halo 2! Metal Slug 3 is hella challenging (well on hard anyways... I mean you only get a max of 5 lives and then you have to restart the level) and yeah...
Meaghan and I are still really good, and I am in a pretty descent mood everyday...
School is really just chugging along.....
...more later....
arg(class)=suck
as you can guess i am once again bored out of my skull in a class that is prolly quite intimidating to most people, but yet is like drinking warm water for me, painless but not enjoyable...
ok enough complaining.... back to zoning out
No Misss - Hit Me!
one girls opinion, but its also everyone I have ever met's opinion....
Gothic-Angel
Posted: Mar 3 2004, 04:05 AM
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 794
Member No.: 8558
Joined: 22-February 04
This is my final post on this site. Someone has been sending me cheerful little notes and gifts in my e-mail and they are currently being traced down. They tried to bump the mails to make it look like they were coming from this site. After the appalling speech Kerry gave today considering the corporate world I am more than happy to oblige.
It is a shame that anybody, let alone someone elected to work in the public's interest would put the priorities of a non-entity over the rights of the people. So, as a result of this election, with both candidates of the major parties being pro-corporation, we will continue to see an outsourcing of jobs, abuses of the people's consumer rights by corporatations, and no end to litigation and frivolous copyright and patent suits of which we all will pay the price for, both with our money and our freedom.
I want to live in a world where I can listen to a song without having to pay for it everytime. Where I can watch my favorite television show even if I miss it through time-shift recording (covered under the Home Recording Act). And where I can legally make a back-up of my legally purchased material.
Thanks to laws that were bought for by the RIAA and MPAA and were voted into law by our politicians, a law that today Mr. Kerry chose to speak up for, it doesn't look like that consumers paradise will happen anytime soon.
This is what is going to happen. The RIAA is going to continue suing P2P users until they run out of people who download their music then they will start to sue other users as well (they already have, twice). The MPAA is going to join in on the "sue-the-world campaign" so all the fan-fiction, movies, trailers, television episodes, cartoons both homemade and aired, and scripts will all disappear. What a drab and lifeless web it will be.
Not over yet. The broadcast flag is about to be implemented that will prevent you from recording a show at home and watching it at a friends house. Or having a friend tape a show for you because it is on at the same time as another show you just have to tape. You won't be able to transfer shows from your TIVO to your computer for burning anymore either.
Then there is the "trusted computing" which will "micro-"charge you every time you visit a site. Requiring every program and file to have a registration number in order to work. If you transfer a data file from your home computer to your laptop, guess what, not going to work.
Then the one that just killed me. "Smart-chips" in our television. The MPAA in all their bloated glory will be allowed to sit in their Ivory Towers and shut down your television if the smart-chip says you are watching something you're not supposed to, whether it be a borrowed DVD, a broadcast television show that you didn't pay for (that's right, paying for broadcast television, yeeesh!) or a home movie that wasn't registered with the copyright nazis.
And let's not forget our libraries. They will virtually become a Blockbusters with Books. When's the last time you had to pay to read Charles Dickens? Better get used to it.
Take your pick in which world you want to live in, mine with freedom to watch and listen to your own products that you bought and paid for or the drab, boring, Big Brother-esque world that Corporate America has planned for you.
I'd write some more but, I've got to go download some free independent music from some non-P2P sources before the Corporations take that away too.
--------------------
Return the public domain back to the public!
"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."
"My angelic sword is sharpened and looking for vengeance on some corporate dopes. Oops. Wings just knocked over the monitor."
-- me on another forum. should have read it, it was cool.
Posted: Mar 3 2004, 04:05 AM
Advanced Member
Group: Members
Posts: 794
Member No.: 8558
Joined: 22-February 04
This is my final post on this site. Someone has been sending me cheerful little notes and gifts in my e-mail and they are currently being traced down. They tried to bump the mails to make it look like they were coming from this site. After the appalling speech Kerry gave today considering the corporate world I am more than happy to oblige.
It is a shame that anybody, let alone someone elected to work in the public's interest would put the priorities of a non-entity over the rights of the people. So, as a result of this election, with both candidates of the major parties being pro-corporation, we will continue to see an outsourcing of jobs, abuses of the people's consumer rights by corporatations, and no end to litigation and frivolous copyright and patent suits of which we all will pay the price for, both with our money and our freedom.
I want to live in a world where I can listen to a song without having to pay for it everytime. Where I can watch my favorite television show even if I miss it through time-shift recording (covered under the Home Recording Act). And where I can legally make a back-up of my legally purchased material.
Thanks to laws that were bought for by the RIAA and MPAA and were voted into law by our politicians, a law that today Mr. Kerry chose to speak up for, it doesn't look like that consumers paradise will happen anytime soon.
This is what is going to happen. The RIAA is going to continue suing P2P users until they run out of people who download their music then they will start to sue other users as well (they already have, twice). The MPAA is going to join in on the "sue-the-world campaign" so all the fan-fiction, movies, trailers, television episodes, cartoons both homemade and aired, and scripts will all disappear. What a drab and lifeless web it will be.
Not over yet. The broadcast flag is about to be implemented that will prevent you from recording a show at home and watching it at a friends house. Or having a friend tape a show for you because it is on at the same time as another show you just have to tape. You won't be able to transfer shows from your TIVO to your computer for burning anymore either.
Then there is the "trusted computing" which will "micro-"charge you every time you visit a site. Requiring every program and file to have a registration number in order to work. If you transfer a data file from your home computer to your laptop, guess what, not going to work.
Then the one that just killed me. "Smart-chips" in our television. The MPAA in all their bloated glory will be allowed to sit in their Ivory Towers and shut down your television if the smart-chip says you are watching something you're not supposed to, whether it be a borrowed DVD, a broadcast television show that you didn't pay for (that's right, paying for broadcast television, yeeesh!) or a home movie that wasn't registered with the copyright nazis.
And let's not forget our libraries. They will virtually become a Blockbusters with Books. When's the last time you had to pay to read Charles Dickens? Better get used to it.
Take your pick in which world you want to live in, mine with freedom to watch and listen to your own products that you bought and paid for or the drab, boring, Big Brother-esque world that Corporate America has planned for you.
I'd write some more but, I've got to go download some free independent music from some non-P2P sources before the Corporations take that away too.
--------------------
Return the public domain back to the public!
"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore."
"My angelic sword is sharpened and looking for vengeance on some corporate dopes. Oops. Wings just knocked over the monitor."
-- me on another forum. should have read it, it was cool.
hanging out with people at in and out.....
So I am posting from my phone, and everyone says HI, shelby josie tim steve mike and katrina... i love just hanging out with cool people and being stupid, racing around antioch.....
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